||[Jan. 20th, 2013|11:58 am]
novocaine for the soul
Everyone seems to be into the idea of an LJ revival, so I thought I'd pop in with my .02c and update!|
Sooo.. my life. Hmmm. The good news would be, I'm working towards a major life change in plans to move to Sydney in about three months ($$ permitting). With my two main poly boyfriends up there, it just seemed like madness to spend all my income traveling back and forth to spend one week a month being happy, and the rest of the time down here lonely and missing them too much. So I'm going to be establishing a big happy poly/kinky friendly household with boyfriend L and two other people, with a bit of luck we'll find a nice place in the area and at the price we want (cheap please!).
With boyfriend D's two kids (boy 4, girl 7) I'm sort of becoming a cool Auntie-type figure, gradually gradually, so far I've just been explained and instantly accepted as "Daddys friend" but they've warmed up to me, at least they're more than happy to pile on me playing dinosaurs, pull out one of my dreads and chuck it out the window LOL! Total little monsters, but ever so sweet at heart and they're good kids being raised right. It's really touching to see what a wonderful dad D is, so calm and reasonable with them, explaining how the world works and why he sets the rules he does, cooking them good healthy meals, playing in the park, building Lego spaceships and snuggling on the couch watching The Damn Wiggles, and I'm slowly getting my 'kidfriendly' mode on, being less nervous around them, remembering not to swear and to just treat them as little people, not retarded monkeys LOL!
With L having three young boys (9, 11 and 15) who I'm yet to meet but will be around when he has them every second weekend, I'm looking forward to getting to know them, being horribly bored as they all settle in for massive video game sessions, and we're just going to play it by ear as to how quickly they figure out that "Dads friend" is really his girlfriend. Both dads are of the opinion that there's no need to hide our relationships or our lifestyles (except the sordid parts, naturally LOL), that the sooner the kids get it that this is the way it is, the sooner they can settle down to feeling all is fine and normal, and their lives are stable and well provided for, split between two happy homes rather than stuck in one miserable one with fighting parents who have stayed together in open animosity 'just for the kids' (always a recipe for disaster). I've met D's ex-wife and we're perfectly chill and friendly, suspect Ls ex-wife won't be forthcoming with friendship but meh, nothing to do with me. Hilariously I have in no way established myself as any type of authority figure to the little monsters, in fact I'm well at the bottom of the pecking order LOL! When I say 'Sweetie don't kick the table' D's son looks at me like 'You're not my daddy!' but for someone naturally reticent by character, he's a jolly little soul who says 'We're having a sleepover with daddy! Are you coming too? YAY!!' which is heartwarming :D
If there's any bad news, it's on the mental health front as it always is. I've made immeasurably massive leaps and bounds in the last year, only to have bipolar keep cropping up in it's various forms to kick my arse at inconvenient times, but as always, I'm under the best of psychological care and determined to keep forging ahead. Apart from one minor slip, I've been two years clean of self harm, I've got my daily weed dependence down to an occasional, every few months, totally-by-choice-not-compulsion indulgence, and have vowed moving to Sydney that I won't be using ice whatsoever despite it being a fun thing to dabble with (it's awfully available and popular there, too expensive, ever so dangerous and addictive and frankly I need that shit like a hole in the head). My experiment in getting back into active society through a volunteer job sadly flagged with finding myself unable to cope with a measly weekly commitment, despite really enjoying the work itself... that one I just don't have any explanation for. It's saddening to find myself falling short of being able to pursue things I actually find enjoyable, my tendency for reclusiveness and deliberate solitude against my actual wishes actually worsening.
What sustains me as always is the faith and commitment of my lifelong friends, who have never given up on me and continue to invite me to events even knowing I'm unlikely to show up, but I appreciate so much still being included and thought of, and plan in the future to reverse-visit back to Melbourne as often as finances permit, and have my Melbourne peeps up to visit me whenever they can. Everyone has been so kind and supportive in seeing that I'm not abandoning them and Melbourne so much as pursuing a dream, a fresh start, and encouraging me to do the best thing for me. The only person still a bit on the nark is my third-in-line boyfriend A, with whom I've had many issues of inconvenient timing setting us back, not for lack of love, just for mutual mental/life/stress/bullshit issues getting in the way. I'll be gobbling up his presence as much as I can before I go, and then slightly downgrading to long distance. I'm sure we'll be able to sustain a meaningful if irregular connection through all the usual online channels - uhhh... lots of naked Skyping LMAO!!
Nonetheless I've managed to establish a couple of growing friendships with Sydney folk, finding friends through D and L which have been happy to roll with it, and pleasingly proactive in pursuing me as an independent friend not tied to just seeing me with the middle mans presence necessary. I've a new 'Sydney bestie' girlfriend that I've a great connection with, so I'll have someone to pop out for coffees and chats with, and she's a crafter like me so plenty of opportunities for stitch n bitch nights!
My mum's in roaring good health, rocking along doing her PhD and with a major exhibition to come in Munich in April and a travel grant to tour Italy studying frescos, also to spend some time at the university in Birmingham doing some lectures. Her settlement for her spinal (traffic accident) injury finally got finalised after four years, she's now financially secure for life, back to her pre-GFC plan with a little left over for some luxuries like replacing her homes carpet and having her garden attended to which she struggles with because of her injury, but knowing that she can have a proper gardener come around regularly releases me from a great deal of worry about 'abandoning' her. I somehow managed to convince her of the sense and maturity I was going into this interstate move with, sufficiently for her and her partner to say they would back me financially in the event of any disaster causing me to need to come home, and she gets that it's about living a big adventure while I've still a bit of youth and (within reason) irresponsibility on my side. She met L over New Years and despite being a bit shocked that we're both dating men in their 40s (hello hypocrisy!!) she concluded that he was VERY NICE, which pleases. She'll meet D when he comes down to help me pack up the truck and move and despite his lurid dyed hair and wild hippy beard, I'm sure she'll extend her loving heart to include him too - he's plenty loveable and wants to impress her, and is bound to succeed in simply showing how much he loves me and how well he cares for me.
That's about it - phew bit of an essay for someone who hasn't had a baby, got a job or done anything more significant than lose 30+ kilos and halve my cholesterol - oh yeah, that happened too! And in six days I'll be undergoing the frabjous transformation to dual citizenship - I wonder if you can give your pledge in a leopard print spandex catsuit? :D