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novocaine for the soul

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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2013|11:58 am]
novocaine for the soul
Everyone seems to be into the idea of an LJ revival, so I thought I'd pop in with my .02c and update!

Sooo.. my life. Hmmm. The good news would be, I'm working towards a major life change in plans to move to Sydney in about three months ($$ permitting). With my two main poly boyfriends up there, it just seemed like madness to spend all my income traveling back and forth to spend one week a month being happy, and the rest of the time down here lonely and missing them too much. So I'm going to be establishing a big happy poly/kinky friendly household with boyfriend L and two other people, with a bit of luck we'll find a nice place in the area and at the price we want (cheap please!).

With boyfriend D's two kids (boy 4, girl 7) I'm sort of becoming a cool Auntie-type figure, gradually gradually, so far I've just been explained and instantly accepted as "Daddys friend" but they've warmed up to me, at least they're more than happy to pile on me playing dinosaurs, pull out one of my dreads and chuck it out the window LOL! Total little monsters, but ever so sweet at heart and they're good kids being raised right. It's really touching to see what a wonderful dad D is, so calm and reasonable with them, explaining how the world works and why he sets the rules he does, cooking them good healthy meals, playing in the park, building Lego spaceships and snuggling on the couch watching The Damn Wiggles, and I'm slowly getting my 'kidfriendly' mode on, being less nervous around them, remembering not to swear and to just treat them as little people, not retarded monkeys LOL!

With L having three young boys (9, 11 and 15) who I'm yet to meet but will be around when he has them every second weekend, I'm looking forward to getting to know them, being horribly bored as they all settle in for massive video game sessions, and we're just going to play it by ear as to how quickly they figure out that "Dads friend" is really his girlfriend. Both dads are of the opinion that there's no need to hide our relationships or our lifestyles (except the sordid parts, naturally LOL), that the sooner the kids get it that this is the way it is, the sooner they can settle down to feeling all is fine and normal, and their lives are stable and well provided for, split between two happy homes rather than stuck in one miserable one with fighting parents who have stayed together in open animosity 'just for the kids' (always a recipe for disaster). I've met D's ex-wife and we're perfectly chill and friendly, suspect Ls ex-wife won't be forthcoming with friendship but meh, nothing to do with me. Hilariously I have in no way established myself as any type of authority figure to the little monsters, in fact I'm well at the bottom of the pecking order LOL! When I say 'Sweetie don't kick the table' D's son looks at me like 'You're not my daddy!' but for someone naturally reticent by character, he's a jolly little soul who says 'We're having a sleepover with daddy! Are you coming too? YAY!!' which is heartwarming :D

If there's any bad news, it's on the mental health front as it always is. I've made immeasurably massive leaps and bounds in the last year, only to have bipolar keep cropping up in it's various forms to kick my arse at inconvenient times, but as always, I'm under the best of psychological care and determined to keep forging ahead. Apart from one minor slip, I've been two years clean of self harm, I've got my daily weed dependence down to an occasional, every few months, totally-by-choice-not-compulsion indulgence, and have vowed moving to Sydney that I won't be using ice whatsoever despite it being a fun thing to dabble with (it's awfully available and popular there, too expensive, ever so dangerous and addictive and frankly I need that shit like a hole in the head). My experiment in getting back into active society through a volunteer job sadly flagged with finding myself unable to cope with a measly weekly commitment, despite really enjoying the work itself... that one I just don't have any explanation for. It's saddening to find myself falling short of being able to pursue things I actually find enjoyable, my tendency for reclusiveness and deliberate solitude against my actual wishes actually worsening.

What sustains me as always is the faith and commitment of my lifelong friends, who have never given up on me and continue to invite me to events even knowing I'm unlikely to show up, but I appreciate so much still being included and thought of, and plan in the future to reverse-visit back to Melbourne as often as finances permit, and have my Melbourne peeps up to visit me whenever they can. Everyone has been so kind and supportive in seeing that I'm not abandoning them and Melbourne so much as pursuing a dream, a fresh start, and encouraging me to do the best thing for me. The only person still a bit on the nark is my third-in-line boyfriend A, with whom I've had many issues of inconvenient timing setting us back, not for lack of love, just for mutual mental/life/stress/bullshit issues getting in the way. I'll be gobbling up his presence as much as I can before I go, and then slightly downgrading to long distance. I'm sure we'll be able to sustain a meaningful if irregular connection through all the usual online channels - uhhh... lots of naked Skyping LMAO!!

Nonetheless I've managed to establish a couple of growing friendships with Sydney folk, finding friends through D and L which have been happy to roll with it, and pleasingly proactive in pursuing me as an independent friend not tied to just seeing me with the middle mans presence necessary. I've a new 'Sydney bestie' girlfriend that I've a great connection with, so I'll have someone to pop out for coffees and chats with, and she's a crafter like me so plenty of opportunities for stitch n bitch nights!

My mum's in roaring good health, rocking along doing her PhD and with a major exhibition to come in Munich in April and a travel grant to tour Italy studying frescos, also to spend some time at the university in Birmingham doing some lectures. Her settlement for her spinal (traffic accident) injury finally got finalised after four years, she's now financially secure for life, back to her pre-GFC plan with a little left over for some luxuries like replacing her homes carpet and having her garden attended to which she struggles with because of her injury, but knowing that she can have a proper gardener come around regularly releases me from a great deal of worry about 'abandoning' her. I somehow managed to convince her of the sense and maturity I was going into this interstate move with, sufficiently for her and her partner to say they would back me financially in the event of any disaster causing me to need to come home, and she gets that it's about living a big adventure while I've still a bit of youth and (within reason) irresponsibility on my side. She met L over New Years and despite being a bit shocked that we're both dating men in their 40s (hello hypocrisy!!) she concluded that he was VERY NICE, which pleases. She'll meet D when he comes down to help me pack up the truck and move and despite his lurid dyed hair and wild hippy beard, I'm sure she'll extend her loving heart to include him too - he's plenty loveable and wants to impress her, and is bound to succeed in simply showing how much he loves me and how well he cares for me.

That's about it - phew bit of an essay for someone who hasn't had a baby, got a job or done anything more significant than lose 30+ kilos and halve my cholesterol - oh yeah, that happened too! And in six days I'll be undergoing the frabjous transformation to dual citizenship - I wonder if you can give your pledge in a leopard print spandex catsuit? :D
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(no subject) [Feb. 28th, 2008|11:30 pm]
novocaine for the soul
[mood |busysoaking wet!!]

ok folks.. it might be rumour so don't get ya flares all sweaty just yet.. but PORNLAND may be doing a rererereunion gig end of march at the espy.



and the videos on their myspace are the ones _I_ youtubed. but enough about ME, just how great is ME?
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hey harry potter fans! [Aug. 24th, 2007|07:47 pm]
novocaine for the soul
did you know thestrals are REAL?!!

from wiki:

"Thestrals are the most elusive and least horse-like breed of magical horse. They have earned an undeserved reputation as omens of evil. They are visible only to those who have witnessed and accepted a death, and their appearance is skeletal, fleshless. They are described in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix as having "blank, white, shining eyes," a "dragonish face"...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

tell me that aint an omen of evil. right now, you are witnessing and accepting a death.

apologies for being the harbinger of todays stomach churning dose of reality.
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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2007|10:16 am]
novocaine for the soul
georg theodorescu has passed away. i know you wont know who that is.. lets just say the stars keep going out in my sky.


last months horse magazine had a beautiful training article with him, thank goodness more and more young people would have heard his name.


Carrots play a large part in the daily life at Lindenhof – Mr Theodorescu always has a pocket full, and a knife to cut them into horse sized chunks. “People say to me, ‘I would never do that – never give the horse carrots, they must do what I tell them, they must do it’. Why? When you ask them something new, they are a bit afraid, but if they like you, they know your voice, they know you have something for them, it makes it easier. They are very intelligent, we’ve got to find a way to talk to them.”

As Monica rides around the hall, her little dog runs in front of her, every four or five strides it just puts in a leap of joy, like a little deer. Finally Monica shoos her away and Terry decides that my lap looks a workable alternative.

Where the dogs sit is an important consideration round here. One time, two dark suited reps of the local Mercedes dealer, arrived with the latest, greatest model, and on a special special price for their good customer, Mr Theodorescu. He took one look, “but there are bucket seats in the back, my greyhound will not sit on bucket seats, bring me one with a bench seat.” “They don’t make this model with bench seats.” “It is a very nice car, and a very generous offer, but please take it back then.”

noisemaker, bullshit-caller, flouter of the establishment, classical master, living legend... he spoke for the horse. vale.
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2007|08:05 am]
novocaine for the soul


go there, the mare in the second stall 'mirabelle I' is in midlabour! the miracle of birth... its disgusting!!! *L*
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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2007|04:16 am]
novocaine for the soul
[mood |enragedso, so angry.]

a heads up just in case - if anyone sees any publicity (its been in the papers and on today tonight) regarding an animal cruelty case relating to a number of horses in lara/geelong area, please PLEASE do not donate. not money, not feed, not sympathy. the owner in question has over 30 horses in a 'breeding program' which she has kept starving and unattended for YEARS, refusing to relinquish a single horse despite many, many offers. she has something seriously wrong with her mentally and should not be keeping animals at all, yet the RSPCA are at the mercy of the law and cannot remove the horses if they have feed.

much public protest is being made, the RSPCA are aware of the situation and if they can get evidence the horses are starving they can escalate their response - if the horses are standing in hay, no matter what their current condition, were all powerless.

on a personal front, im bawling my eyes out. i have NEVER seen horses in such appalling condition, except in photos of starving mules in india. most of them will not be able to be rehabilitated EVER, they are that poor - and many are mares carrying foals. im talking malnutrition so severe and long lasting these horses have underdeveloped skeletons which can clearly be seen stretching their skin. not posting links to pictures because they are THAT bad.

*hates world*
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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2007|01:40 am]
novocaine for the soul
*sigh* note to world: the hpv vaccine is NOT repeat NOT a cancer vaccine.

vaccine for hpv. a precancerous virus.

NOT for cancer itself.

got it??

*double sigh*

too many people are not picking up on this major difference, and it scares me. texas is requiring MANDATORY vaccination of all girls. O_O
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(no subject) [Jan. 16th, 2007|03:15 am]
novocaine for the soul
friends list cull time. if you cant read my next post, ive finally found out about being laughed about behind my back with my socalled friend, and some shit i just cant weather. not no more. what youve cost me can never be repaid.

im sick of being the human joke to two faced people who repeat bullshit without bothering to check the facts. im sick of getting put through the ringer of silent treatment and ALWAYS being the bigger person who wants to sort things out and make up for WHATEVER i did, whether i did it or not.

but more to the point, if you dont genuinely care if i live or die, i feel the same for you. and yeah, you know exactly who you are. and i cant believe you would hurt me so much when ive done nothing to you.

lesson learned. trust noone. give noone anything of yourself. not a smile, not a hug, dont care about them coz they sure as fuck think youre a fucking joke.

goodbye. hope youre proud you kicked someone down with NOTHING left to take. hope it makes you a better person to make others feel like a walking abortion. cheers.

ps - next time, have the fucking balls to lie to my fucking face. not one person who has picked me over the years has done this. im taking that as a compliment, you pissweak fucks.
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Christmas in Vermont... [Dec. 14th, 2006|09:42 pm]
novocaine for the soul
[mood |jubilantjubilant]
[music |beck - broken drum (remix)]

so, im a member of a forum called the Ultimate Dressage Bulletin Board, which is both huge and interglobal. there are literally members from every country that participates in dressage, which is just about all of them. and apart from just plain rockin' generally, every year they run a Kris Kringle organised by the boardmeister. you sign on to be in it, fill out a form with what you might like and what you really wouldnt, then herr boardmeister links every one up with a kringler and a kringlee, matching people as far across the globe as possible for the purposes of ummm, i think promoting international luuurrrve, or something.

anyway, my package came today - and apparently to hell with the suggested spend of '$25-$35' - mine has spent at least over $US100, with $45 alone on the damn shipping! it was who i managed to snoop out and suspect, a lovely woman from vermont. in my wishlist i wrote that i would love to get 'localised' things from my kringlers area, local produce type stuff and things you cant get here.. and she got it spot on!! my cameras batteries are flat or i would take a photo of it all, i totally scored and its ALL stuff i like!

- firstly the worlds hugest mug that i can literally fit my fist in with room to spare, its a 'trail of painted ponies' collection black mug in 'ghost horse' design, with native american style horses and symbols painted on it;
- burts bees milk and honey body lotion (ive seen a few bb things in shops here, but not many)
- burts bees raspberry lip gloss
- burts bees stormbuster lip balm for extreme hot/cold weather
- huge pure beeswax candle which REALLY smells like sandlewood and kinda bees too (its divine)
- badger balm body ginger&lemon lip and body balm
- badger balm sore muscle rub
- two little candles in 'buttercream' (kind of vanilla cake-ish) and 'macintosh' (fresh, rich apple tree scent)
- vermont original bag balm (a horsepersons classic), its a little green square block tin containing a really amazing rich balm, so so good on hands and apparently can be applied to aminals too though toma didnt think much when he sniffed it
- and as vermont is maple syrup land el supreme (maple is their state flavour!) ive got a gorgeous maple flavour lollypop shaped like a MOOSE, maple candies shaped like mapleleaves - exactly like scottish tablet (my fav) but maple, a big jar of maple cream which i think i might spread over me and hire some inexpensive slovakian prostitutes to lick off, a bottle of REAL proper graded maple syrup aaand
- awesome, she went to all manner of local sites and shops and got their brochures and catalogues, so now i know all about the history of maple tapping and covered bridges and historical buildings and the vermont country store where they source, make and stock all kinds of things of yesteryear, and a photographic calendar of vermont!!

phew!!! ive told her off plenty for spending waaaaay too much and spoiling me so that now i wish to be adopted by vermont. then i can marry beck and raise friesians in the snow whynot. i left that last part out. but you should smell my room right now, its glorious, like it snowed in here under maple trees eating candy (the heat this afternoon set off everything a'smellin'). there was catnip and treats as well but they were seized by customs because they contained seeds, fair enough. score!!!


a small aside, you know how when someone sets up a website totally with flash so you cant steal shit? does anyone know how to umm.... well, steal shit under those circumstances? i want to steal for a poster one damn image that i cant find anywhere else.
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Gay Rights NOW [Oct. 5th, 2006|10:42 am]
novocaine for the soul
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-- Ernest Gaines
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